Thursday, August 28, 2008

Goodbye, Farewell, Aufveridhoweverthehellyouspellit Goodnight...

Ode to my 30's and a other crap to deal with:

Dear 30's

You brought me wisdom, pregnancy, the birth of my only child, another decade of marriage and a whole bunch of other crap in between.

You also brought a newly built house, a new community, new friends, the departure of old friends and the death of loved ones.

The 30's have been an awesome time of growth and life changing events--as they should be. You change into the person you are meant to be--without all the baggage and bullshit of your 20's. You could not pay me to be in my 20's again, but I think I really will miss the 30's--I had a great time (mostly) and learned so much about who I am and what I WANT to be for the next 30 years.

Turning 40 tomorrow will be the start of a NEW adventure. People tell me that it's even better in your 40's because you have already learned how NOT to take crap from people, you are now just not afraid to say it and call people out on their shit. (not that I ever had much of a problem with that--tee hee).

For my last 30's "challenge", I have been visited by a ghost of friendship past. I got a birthday card yesterday from someone who I have not spoken to in almost 2 years. An Olive branch perhaps??? But do I take that branch and do anything with it? I'm not sure. This person was a part of my life since high school--I mean a BIG part. Like I was her birth coach and her daughter is my God-daughter and we walked thru the walls of fire together-- kind of big.

But a couple of years ago, (oh hell, If I'm honest, we have been drifting apart for a lot longer than that) she totally blew me off for an event and I have not heard from her since. I sent her daughter a card with a check for Christmas--check got cashed, never heard a word. Nothing came for my daughter--which is fine, it's not necessary, but I would have liked to hear "thanks" for the money I sent. So I did try to make some sort of contact, but I heard nothing back.

When my (step) dad was killed in a plane crash in Dec of 2006 (2 days after Christmas--so that holiday sucks now), it was major news in this area--TV/newspaper coverage up the ying-yang. We fought off phone calls from so many new sources on a daily basis that I have learned to hate the media for how they treat the people left behind after a sudden tragedy. The funeral was packed and so many of my friends stayed at the funeral home with me, fed my family, took care of my daughter for me and lifted me up in prayer when I just thought I couldn't take it anymore. Did I hear from her at all--No..nothing...silence. So I moved on.

The relationship was not exactly "toxic", but when you watch a person make the same stupid mistakes and never learn from them, it wears on a bitch's ass and tires the soul. Have I missed sharing things with her--yes, but it's not like we were a big part of each other's lives anymore.

So, how do I respond to the Olive Branch? She wrote in the card that she missed me and gave me her cell number. I don't know if I have the strength to deal with her. My life is in it's own little state of flux--with hubby still searching for a job--me working full time again and a DD speeding her way thru her childhood (why does it go so fast?). Do I want to have to give any of my limited, precious time to someone who has always been something to "fix"? Has she changed? Is it worth fighting for? I'm not sure. I guess this will be the last challenge of my 30's, but also the first of my 40's.


Kelley said...

Happy Birfday dear friend! I think you'll find that 40 brings a whole lot of new adventures! Enjoy all that life has to offer you!


Tense Teacher said...

Happy Birthday! Here's to your 40s... May they be some of the best years of your life!