Friday, February 27, 2009's Friday--payday Friday to be exact

OK--so today was my first paycheck with my employer induced "Voluntary" hour reductions on it. OMG! I really didn't realize that my check would go down THAT much only working 4 days a week--but for God's sake, it's quite a shock.

Thank God I had my "banked" commissions also payout with this check--but that cleared out my bank and in 2 weeks (with no business coming in) I will freak out when my "salary" check is the only thing I have.

OK world--shape up, pull your head out and get business back going again--momma needs to make a mortgage payment!

Will this recession EVER end?

Tuesday, February 24, 2009

Mid-Life Crisis....I'm having one

OK--so I think this is what a mid-life crisis feels like--or it's the beginning of a major depression.

I hate everything.

This last year or so has been one of the worst financially, spiritually, mentally etc. and I no longer have the strength to deal with it. My job sucks (at least I have one, but it still sucks), my home life sucks, we're slipping into dire straights and I have no one to talk to about it. I cannot say ANYTHING to the husband without him taking great offense. I know he feels like crap about the job situation (or lack there of) but I don't see him doing much of anything to fix that and to be honest, I'm pissed--looking for a job IS your job--do it--quit waiting for it to come to you. The person I should be able to share my fears with just shuts me down. I hate this kind of life.

If it were not for my daughter, I would pack up my shit and leave. Not just because of the hubby--but because of everything. I'm feeling "lost", confused, anxious--I feel a wanderlust forming--I have to get away from here, but have no idea where to go. Or even how to do it. I want a change, I want something new, I want to be anywhere but here. I am not comfortable in my own skin, I need to start over somewhere else--leave all my baggage and just start fresh.

I will not do that to DD--she is my air, my life. But how can I be a good mother to her when all I want to do escape? I put on the smile, I do all the right things on the outside, but on the inside I just want to crawl out of my skin. I feel like a drowning person--I gasp for air everyone in a while, but I just keep getting pulled under by the weight of my life.

It's pretty bad when you cannot even cry anymore. The sweet release of a good crying jag is even far beyond my reach. I am empty.

Tuesday, February 17, 2009


Kelley--you have inspired me to clean up the house a little bit and freshen up the blog. So forgive the mess and the changes going on--I'll be playing a bit with the blog layout and seeing if there is anything I think is worth keeping around.

I'm tired of the old look and need something fresh for the coming Springtime--Spring IS coming right? Please God, tell me it's just around the corner!!!!

Friday, February 6, 2009

What Office Supply am I ??????

You Are a Calculator

No matter what someone tells you, you're likely to focus on facts and data.

You're a highly analytic person. You are only concerned with what you can know for sure.

You look at situations objectively, and you have no problem approaching problems from multiple angles.

You would make a good analyst or investment banker. You are confident enough to make tough calls and hard decisions.

Thursday, February 5, 2009

Happy Blogaversary to ME

Wow--one year ago I started this little peek into my insane mind. You know what--I didn't think I would actually do it this long. Not that I post all the time or have great thoughts or insight, but it's been fun and place to "get it all out" sometimes

So--Happy Blogaversary to me!!!

Oh and for God's sake--will it EVER warm up around here? IT was -6 this morning with the wind chills lower than -20. I'm sick of seeing the 6 FEET of snow piled at the end of my driveway from shoveling--I'm tired of snow in general--I'm sick of winter! Blech. End Rant.