Can I get a giggle in here?

Smirk....they broke up.....hmmm...grass isn't always greener is it asshole? and now you are stuck with plane tickets you cannot use--kinda sucks for you doesn't it.

Can I post something positive?

OK--if there is a silver lining in all the bull crap that has been going on in my life (besides the fact that I don't have to deal with the outlaws anymore), it's the fact that this mess has been AWESOME for my weight loss plan.

Not that I had a weight loss plan--I was actually gaining weight like it was my job--but the stress of everything has totally put my stomach in knots.  The thought of food makes me want to throw up. I have been eating very little--but what I have been eating is much healthier for me because I have made a conscience decision that, if I can hardly get anything down, I should at least be putting better stuff into me.

I think the major thing is that I have gone to much smaller portions because I just cannot eat that much--thus proving the fact that everything in moderation is the best way to eat.  Prior to the crazy, a single lean cuisine would have been a snack for me--now it's a full meal and I'm satisfied with it. I have DRAMATICALLY cut down on soda products (even though I drank diet) and have switched to tea--and boy has then been helpful in the "flush" of my system--in EVERY way you can imagine.

Playing tennis and having to do all of my own yard work has kept me moving and active as well.

So--the good news?  I have lost 24lbs since the end of Jan!!!  Woo-a-hoo!!!  I am thrilled.  I am about 15lbs from my goal weight--but I think I am carrying that in my boobs, so no telling if I will ever get there.  I need some new pants desperately, but the money fairy will be skipping my house for the next oh--FOREVER, so I will have to make do with belts.

The Saga Continues

So on Friday, Asshole decides to email me at work in the late afternoon saying that he has called all the untilities and had them taken out of his name.  I have until 4:00 to call them all back and transfer it into my name or the serivces will cut off as of Monday Morning.  WTF!!!!!!!!!!!  Nice...way to think about your daughter's well being asshole.
So, I get it all taken care of and everything is fine.  Then I get back to MY house.  He then goes off on me about how dare I not think he is thinking about DD, I am un trustworthy...again WTF!!  Really, I'm not the one screwing someone else butt munch.  He then says to hand over the keys to the car that HE is paying for.  I said, no, I told you I would take over the payments, I'm waiting for YOU to get the paperwork pulled together, I need a car to drive to work and to take our CHILD where she needs to go.

He says that if I drive that car without his permission, he will call the cops and report it stolen.  I have to ASK everytime I need to drive it.  FUCK THAT.

Jesus in heaven is looking out for me because on Sunday a dealership is having a HUGE month end blow out and is selling a 20K car for 12,995!  It's a KIA--and I'm not thrilled about owning foreign since I LOVE my Cruze, but I will NOT have his threats hanging over my head.  I had been to this dealership before and had driven the RIO and hated it--sub compact--too small, yikes, sounded weird. 

BUT--The Forte is KIA's version of the Cruze and that is what the special was on--so BONUS for me--upgrade on the car and they paid off the Cruze--so take that A-Hole.  Man was he pissed that I was able to just walk in and finalize all that in less than 2 hours.  He was so rude to the guy at the dealership when I called him in to come and sign off on the car note--but HEY ASSHOLE, I did you a MITZVAH--I didn't HAVE to do anything with the Cruze, I could have let you suck it and figure out a way to pay for both cars.  Guess what--I'm the better person here, I'm the grown-up.  I did the right thing, like I have all along.

YOU are the piece of shit who has to lay in his filth.  Oh--and when your girlfriend REALLY finds out your situation--financially/professionally/sexually, you'll be all alone won't you.  SUCK IT!

You have NOTHING left to hold over my head, so kiss my ASS!

This rambling rant has been brought to you by the letter "O" for OVER YOUR SHIT!

CLOSING IS DONE!!!

Well that part of this little fiasco seems to be over....soon to be EX has 3 days to change his mind and he still has to sign the quit claim, but I'm keeping my fingers crossed that he won't pull any shit.

He is moving out at the end of May--yeah!  However, that means I have to look at his nasty face for 2 more months.  Blech

He is being very reasonable about what he is going to take with him--except he wants the lawnmower, so I have to go buy one of those.  Everything else is good to go as far as I am concerned...now to get him to file the dissolution papers....one thing at a time I guess, one thing at a time.

Rolling, rolling, rolling......

So things are rollin right along with my refinance.  I should get the final numbers this week and set up closing towards the end of the month.  SO much paperwork--blech.

Wayward Husband has STILL provided me with no information as to his plans, what he is taking, when he is going, blah blah blah.  WHY?????  WHY?????  HE is the one who wants this, so why isn't he moving forward?  He flipped out that I started the re-fi process so quickly--"Why are you in such a hurry?" he asked.  Well, asshole, because you don't want to be married to me anymore and I'm moving on with my life and planning ahead for me and my daughter.  WHY AREN'T YOU IN SUCH A HURRY?  He has no answers.  He jsut says he doesn't know yet. 

Well mister, if you think I am letting you hang around all up in my business while you wait for your whore to get out of HER marriage so you can have your love nest, you are sadly mistaken.  I want this shit OVER and I want to move on with my life. 

I have great friends who have been keeping me busy and checking on me and taking me out (and being the designated driver so I can get plastered) so, bless their hearts!  This would be so much easier to deal with and I could start coming to terms with things if I didn't have to look at his skanky ass everyday.  UGH!  The tension in the house is SO thick.  It's not good for anyone.

He actually told me to go out and find someone else...I'm sure that would assuage HIS guilt and justify his behaviour, but REALLY?  Why in the hell would I want to put up with someone else's shit right now?  I've GOT friends, family and good company--I don't need hassles...and hell, I've got batteries if things get horrible in that "other" department--heck that is a sure thing and I don't have to make it coffee in the morning!

I feel sorry for people who's live MUST be defined by having someone take care of them all the time.   Maybe that is why he had to have his escape plan set in motion before he would actually piss me off enough to agree to a divorce...HE cannot be alone or take care of himself--he never has had to--From his parents house, to my house--never lived on his "own".  I, on the other hand, have pretty much been on my own since I was 17--I know how to take care of ME and those around me--but I don't want to take care of anyone but my daughter and myself right now.

Keep on praying and keep those good JUJU thoughts going for my refi!!!

Ahhh the joys...

It is so much fun having to try and refinance your house, decide who gets what, worry about how you are going to make ends meet and not try to kill the person who had turned your life into a living hell.

How I am going to survive until he moves out is the question...I cannot stand to even look at him, none the less deal with him.

The house is being refinanced in my name only and I cannot wait for that to be done--keep you fingers crossed that it goes smoothly.

The only stickler in me being able to survive monthly is the stupid car payment I will have to take over--the car is in his name and so is the title...SO tempted to just tell him that it's his problem, but I want to be the bigger person.  I've looked around at other cars and anything decent would only save me about $75 a month at the VERY most...and then I'd have another 5 year loan. Anything used is always full of unknowns and I have to have safe reliable transportatioin for me and my daughter. UGH..It will be less than 4 years left on the car I currently drive, so I might have to suck it up.

I never knew you could actually HATE a person so much that you USED to love so much.

sigh..

Nothing new on the homefront--kind of hard to resolve anything when you have not spoken to each other in almost 3 weeks.

I have moved past my anger and now I just don't feel anything--perhaps I have already emotionally checked out.  I really need to set up some time with a counceller--but I don't have time to breathe, non the less interview or check out that kind of thing.

Does he think this is just going to "go away"--maybe if we do't talk, it will just dissappear and things will go back to normal?  We share a house, but that is it--he is in the man cave or in a bedroom--we avoid each other at all costs when moving about the house...this sucks!

I have decided that one month is the limit on how long I will let this go on...and then I will issue the ultimatum....we either decide to work things out and get some help or we end things--this is not good for anyone....

The craziest thing?  I have not shed ONE tear.....my anger has ruled me for 2 months...and now, when I think about things being over--it dosn't really bother me all that much.  I will be ok--I have a support system--and a plan for the future if this goes to divorce--that is worked out...but why don't I cry?  I think it's strange...

FML

Picture it....December 2011


You start to wonder why your husband of almost 23 years starts physically turning off and putting away his laptop after 4 years of it sitting on the same end table.  You start to wonder when you husband--who never had his phone on him--it always layed out on the counter on the charger--he didn't pay attention to it...now NEVER has the phone out of his site, the ringer is turned off and it's always in a pocket or in his coat. When you are around him and you hear his phone beep, but he never checks who it is or what that sound is...


He starts up tanning again in earnest...starts making plans to go out and doesn't invite you to go or is totally vauge as to where things will be and who will be there..and he goes alone.


You start to wonder when you receive more Christmas presents at one time than you have over the last 3 years......


You go to pay for cell phone bill and you notice that 15 days in your billing cycle (out of 31) that your husband is thisclose to being out of texts...and this is a guy who used to barely use 100 total in the same amount of time.....


You start to wonder when there are comments made on his Facebook page by people he doesn't work with, that are local and he's never mentioned to you.


SOOOO...as any normal person would do....I stop wondering and I start investigating.....beginning with all the texts....hmmm...I see a pattern here on a few numbers...wonders who they are....so I call....and much to my (non) surprize, it's another woman--her home phone, her cell phone and her WORK phone..all over the texting and the phone usage.....


Then you check the bank statements....hmmmmm....lunch over by her work...on a day the he is OFF--at a place that would be unlike him to eat in at....Oh and no...don't tell me it was take out becasue I saw the first charge--you know, the one they run thru before you put a tip on it?  Then I saw the final charge with the tip come thru....stupid man


So you start looking into things and you see that all of his passwords have been changed for Facebook and such....you used to know them--heck he used to leave FB up and running all the time.....must be using that little FB chat feature to keep in touch with his friends(s).


He starts wondering why you are so distant......you say it's nothing while you keep on hoping that you are DEAD WRONG, but you just know in your gut that you are right.


So this goes on for a few weeks....and you cannot take it anymore--especially after you have seen the hotel reservation made for a King Suite, for 2 people (pretty dumb to leave that in your "trash" folder asshole) that he had made for when he is going out of town for something for his "hobby".  So you call the gal pal and ask her what her plans are for that night--I play dumb too, like it was a wrong number and I just hang up.  She totally plays dumb--but she gets a hold of your hubby to let him know that the jig is up!  Nothing is said to me by him--but off he goes anyway--he comes home the same night, but what if I hadn't called and said anything?  What would have really happened?


So a few more days go by and you start to get pissed, so you go pull out his computer...you look and you see that his webpage history has been cleared, all the search history cleared...everything--you even look at his trash folder--there are some pictures of interest in there, but I cannot prove where they came from--Chick posing on bikes--not this same chick mind you...but one wonders where he has gotten the ideas for me to post by his car in my heels. 


I look into downloading a key stroke logger....but nothing is getting past our Antivirus or Firewall--damn me beign so efficient...but I DON"T clear my history....lets see what this does, shall we?


AMAZING, that night I get his computer shoved in my face by him...with all sorts of WTF'S! and WTH are YOU doing being thrown around. 


So I just lay it on the line and ask who the hell HEATHER is.....well, that sure got things going.


Did you know that you need to share your phone number with SOMEONE who works the cashier line at your work's lunch room--not even for your comapny, so it's not like you would really get to know this person--but you really SHOULD give her your phone number...just so she can "keep in touch" and let you know how htings are going--because SHE'S only a person you see for less than 10 minutes per weekend?  Really--you have formed such a strong bond only talking to this person as you pass in the lunch line...that you can call her at her other job and talk and call her on her cell?  Oh what?  She's married too??   OOOOOOHHHHHH,, yeah, you all must only really just be friends then....


I'M NOT FUCKING STUPID!


However, according to YOU, I am the worst person on the face of the earth because I DARE to sneak around and see what YOU are up to.....Why do I have to sneak around, why can't I jsut come out and ask you?  Well, for one thing asshole,  don't believe you anymore, your actions since after Thanksgiving have spoken more than your words!


If I were to trust you, you would have told me right from the beginning what was going on with your FRIEND, you tell me about evey last detail about shit I don't care about from all of your other "FRIENDS"--but this one NEVER once has been mentioned until YOU GOT BUSTED. 


But I am the bitch who had ruined it all?  You are DONE with ME?  23 years down the drain because I was checking up on you?


FUCK YOU!


My mother tells me that this is a very dangerous age for men...especially men who are lost and struggling to find there place again after change and chaos in their work and financial life (hmmm sound familiar?).  I guess we'll have to see where this goes....


Right now, we don't even speak.....I don't know how I'll ever forgive you for the hateful things you said to me Monday night.

Summer Time and the living is easy....or not....What!, It's over????!!!

Oh Summer, where for art thou summer? 

You sauntered in all cold and rainy, you stayed for but a minute all hot, sticky and ugly--now you sneak away like a thief in the night.  Taking all the joy and freedom with you.

School begins once again, vacations are but a memory...Fall is just around the corner....

Back to school Shopping list

BEGIN RANT....

Yeah, yeah, I know--I'm a big loser for doing the back to school list--but hear me out.

DD left for 2 weeks at her grandparents house yesterday, she comes back on the 1st, has a crazy week upon her return, we then leave for Gaitlinburg on the 6th, come back on the 12th and school starts on the 22nd.  (Whew--tired just typing that.)

Do you know what kind of picked over crap will be left that 3rd week of August?  Yeah--that is why we went this weekend. Also, as any parent of a "tweener" will know, NOTHING is bought for the child without them picking it out themselves--you might as well just set fire to your wallet--because bringing something home without approval is a PROMISE that it will never get touched.

I digress....

TEACHERS!  WTF!  Why is there always one elusive item on your list every year?  For me, it's TWO ERASEABLE RED pens.  I can find blue, I can find black--no worries.  I went to Wally World, Meijer, Office Max and Office Depot before I basically said F-THIS!

I googled them online and can get them at STAPLES--oh, but there is only ONE of them within 30 miles of my house and it's in the ghetto--with gas as high as it is, I am also not driving 25 miles for a freaking PEN. 

Rumor has it that Target has them ON OCCASION--so the gal told me to just keep "checking back". Whatever.  So, if my kid is the one that shows up with her 2 STANDARD red pens, you can just suck it up.

End rant