Friday, November 13, 2009

Table for 3 please! or In-law Musings......Whatever!

Sit down, strap in, grab some wine--this is a long one.

OK--we all know my deep and heartfelt feelings about my in-laws (insert sarcasm here). They confound me with their crazy and their inability to truly be a family...I don't say anything anymore, the fight is not worth it.

I am sad that this is how things have to be with them, you would think after 20+ years I would be used to it--but it hurts me to see my DH struggle with it-- he sees how things are with my family and our friends families--he used to think his family was normal with their indifference to each other unless it involved spending money--but he has seen how other familes work and it really bothers him.

I let my husband make all decisions involving our contact with them. We usually see them on holidays and medical emergencies and that is about it. They don't call us, they don't care about my DD, they barely acknowledge that we exist unless they want something.

Which brings me to the latest...SIL has decided that the MIL would like a picture off all of her grandchildren together. OK--I can bring my good camera and we will get a group shot of them when we are together at Thanksgiving--we'll do a nice backdrop or figure out something. I was thinking (and f-me for thinking) this would be nice since SIL JUST had a baby and I would not take a newborn out anywhere right now with all the flu and H1N1 plaguing our area. NO! We are going to some portrait studio on a Babies R Us--oh and did I mention that it's 2.5 hours away from us? Also, please note that new baby will be 2 weeks old the day we take this picture.

This is totally convenient for them--but totally sucks for us--once again. They all live right there in that area, it's no big deal. They wanted an evening appointment, but Dh put his foot down and said NO WAY--we have a long ass drive, dinner to think about and a kid who has school the next morning. That was met with--well, we can't do it earlier it will mess with other SIL's kids nap. DH actually said, make the appointment mid afternoon or forget DD being there. So ok, I was bursting with pride at him but said nothing--and they called back with an appointment at 3:30.

We have been told what DD is to wear, how her hair should be styled and how they want this picture to look--we have not gotten a say about anything--we made a suggestion, but were scoffed at--- but were told to make sure we bring cash or a check made out to SIL for our portion of the picture--REALLY? Do we get a say in anything? or do we just go back to the "Mother's Ring" fiasco of 2003? SIL does what she wants, orders what she wants, tells all of us to shut up and just give her what we owe her? Do you SEE what I am working with here?

This has all come to a head for DH--seeing as I won't say a word about it or even go up with him for this picture to be taken--I'm staying out of EVERYTHING. I think he has finally seen the light on how these people really are. He has had enough.

His way of dealing with things is very passive aggressive so, He has volunteered to work a shift on Thanksgiving--so we are not going on our yearly pilgrimage to what I refer to as the "death chamber" (I am HIGHLY allergic to cats and MIL has 4. I end up high on allergy meds and usually have full blown bronchial problems within a week of being in that house).

He has yet to tell them that we are not coming--why you ask? Well like I said, if he doesn't call them, they don't call him. He is being kind of stubborn about that since DD called them a few days before Halloween (29th)--she wanted to tell them what she was going to be and about her class party--they were not home so she left a message for them to please call her--it's been over 2 weeks and they have YET to call their grandchild back.

We found out what was keeping MIL from callng back: SIL had her baby on Nov 1st (yeah, I know 3 days after she called) and we found out by EMAIL! They still couldn't be bothered to call us then for that either. DH found out that MIL spent the first week with SIL and the baby helping out and he hit the roof--MIL cannot be bothered with our DD because SIL had another kid? (Note: SIL's in-laws live all around her--MIL lives in the house behind her--big Italian family--it's not like she doesn't have help)--but MIL drove 2 hours and stayed all week to help her out--and cannot take 5 minutes to call her other granddaughter back at all. Whatever! Dh is pissed.

I'm sure he will mention us not coming to his sisters when they are together for the picture on Sunday--but who knows.

In the mean time, I am planning my very 1st "Our family Only" Thanksgiving. It's weird to only cook for 3 people for a holiday (4 if my mom comes by--she's invited, but we are eating really late) but I think I will enjoy the peace and quiet and no tension that this holiday will bring.


Kelley said...

I think if we truly knew what our in-laws were like, we would never marry. The whole human race would have died out ages ago.

The Husband used to tip-toe around his freak-festival of a family, but even he got tired of it. We do our thing now and it is WONDERFUL. Yes, it will be odd (for about 5 minutes) having dinner for just the three of you. But. If you chose, you could dine on that delicious turkey in your jammies, sit around all day watching football or the parade or whatever, eat as many mashed potatoes as you want, etc. The possiblilities are endless! No house full of cats or pissy in-laws, just peace and tranquility in your own home. Enjoy it! Revel in it, roll around on the floor in it, because it fucking ROCKS!!!

Ang said...

Don't blame you a bit!! Crap like that has been going on in my dad's family for years, always a rollercoaster. I seriously do not blame you for wanting a nice, peaceful, not to mention HEALTHY Thanksgiving!! (they couldn't have dinner at any other location but the cat house all these years?? jeesh!!) I would do the same!
BTW, the whole not calling a grandchild back and finding out you have a family member by email- pathetic! You guys will be better off without that bunch- maybe they will formally disown you guys after you don't show for holidays- ha! You could only be so lucky!! :-D
Keep your chin up, you are doing the right thing!