Friday, January 15, 2010

Common Courtesy Rules ......

Common Courtesy Rules Because My Ass Has Had Enough of YOURS!!!!

1. If you're in the left lane, and everybody's passing you on the right,
that means you need to get the fuck out of the left lane, genius.

2. If you stop to talk in the store, get your fat ass out of the middle
of the aisle. If you don't, and someone politely says, "Excuse me" to
get through, you have no right to look at them like they just shit in
your coffee.

3. Walk on the right side of the aisle. Works like a charm, just
like they taught you in kindergarten.

4. If you're stuck in a line of cars behind someone who needs to read
rule number one above, but you're not the poor slob right behind the
asshole, tailgating, flashing your high-beams, hitting the horn or
giving the finger will not help. The poor slob that's in front of you can't go
any faster than the shithead in front of him. Chill the fuck out.

5. Hang the fuck up and drive.

6. Four-wheel drive means you can probably get going when it's snowing.
However, it doesn't mean that you can stop, nor does it give you the
right to drive like a fucking maniac and cause problems for people who don't
have four wheel drive.

7. If you're someone who can't buy a clue and still has to drive in the
left lane all the time because you're afraid to change lanes, stay the
fuck home or ride the damn bus.

8. The next time you cut a corner, rather than turning into your own
lane, realize that if you're in an accident, it will be your fault.
More importantly, if you hit someone and you're not injured in the accident,
don't be surprised if they beat the shit out of you for being stupid.

9. If it's raining, or snowing, or foggy, or dark, turn your headlights
on, and use the low beams. High beams just reflect the fog, blind the
other drivers, and prove to the world that you're a stupid fuck.


Jeannie said...

Just found your blog - LOVE IT!!
Love your "rules" for drivers - which should be posted in drivers licenses offices. You rawk!
I wanted to send you an email but can't find a link - is there one and I'm missing it?

Ang said...

OMG I love this!!! I am seriously going to link to your post!
I had to tweet while boarding a plane over the weekend- "READ PEOPLE- READ!" Holy cow people are pathetically lazy...and have zero common sense!!

Screenwriter Chic said...

Love your postings. Check out my blog...just came back from a Twilight convention with my daughter. We had a blast!

RYD said...

Does someone need a nap? :)

J/K - I feel the exact same way you do. I am such a stupid rule follower that I get INCENSED when other people think they can just do whatever they goddamn please and then have the NERVE to shoot you a look as if to say, "What the fuck is your problem, idiot?"

Glad I found a kindred spirit in cyberspace. :)

Mengele said...

That, is a work of art.
It's very much along the lines of a book I'm writing actually, and it shares a very similar tone.
It's great to find someone on here with a similar mentality.

The Me said...

Ha ha ha, Good list. My own, personal favorite "If you serve the public as a bus operator, clerk or bank teller and are not happy with your job, SO MUCH SO you gotta mistreat your co-workers in front of people or worse, yet mistreat the customer...THAN, quit your job. Find something you like to do, Or mellow out and do what you are given money to do....And, freak out when you get home...I've got family who can abuse me, and mistreat me, thank you very much. I don't need, a common stranger hating on me, when they are given money to do otherwise.

Shannon said...

I love this!! My husband says I have road rage just because I mention things like this!