Getting over it....and the beginning of 2010

OK--so in a previous post, it was discussed that there had been a "meeting of the minds" between the hubster and the outlaws. I guess they have decided that, yes, they have ignored DD enough and they will try and be better grandparents.

It has also been decided (by them) that I will just "exist" as something they have to deal with. I will be the "elephant in the room" if you will. They will not make direct contact with me--as they feel that I am actually the one to blame for everything--but will deal with me on an as needed basis. I have big enough shoulders to accept this burden so that my husband and daughter can have a relationship with them. It's fine with me actually. We all know where we stand now and that is cool.

They stopped by on their way down to Indy for Christmas--they spent about 2 hours here--giving DD her presents and we then went to lunch and off they went. They called on Christmas day--spoke to DD when she answered the phone, spoke to DH and that was that. You would be proud of me--I didn't ask a single thing about what they said--I'm playing my role very well.

In other piss me off news--our furnace is doing stupid crap again and I have a call into the repair dudes--it's not an emergency at this point, but they better call me first thing tomorrow or I will find someone else to come out. I'm sick of this damn house crap--our builder SUCKS and used cheap crap. I don't have 5K for a new furnace, but by the time I do all these damn repairs, I might have well just bought a new/better one. Oh--did I mention that the warranty on the parts they put in when it died last time just expired--F My Life! It's 8 freaking degrees here and I don't dare keep the furnace over 65 degrees or it never shuts off--I think something is wrong with the thermostat--that should cost a pretty penny.

BFF fell and broke her shoulder at work the other night---this was supposed to be a better year for her--some great new changes coming soon, but it seems like 2009 had some left over shit to throw her way. 2010 is supposed to be better right? Not so far. UGH!

My anxiety is running at full throttle as well. I know I have to get to the doctor to deal with the heart crazy I have been having....no pain, but I am sure my blood pressure is out of control and I keep having times of where it feels like my heart is going to pound out of my chest.-- I'm a scared to go, heart issues run in the family and I don't really want to hear that I have them too. I've lost and kept off 35lbs and I don't think that helped me one bit--I didn't have these problems before, but now it's just crazy.

Some people (ie my family members) have suggested that I would have a better outlook and a way to deal with the stresses in my life if I just improved my relationship with God. Um OK. In over 8 years, I have only set foot in a church for funerals/weddings and one time at a homeless shelter I volunteered at. I'm not sure that I am a religious person anymore. I believe in God, I feel "spiritual", but I am not sure the arms of the Catholic church are where I can find solace anymore. I'm not even sure that so called organized religion is for me--hard line churches don't appeal, "feel good" churches seem more "culty" to me that anything. I'm not sure what I am looking for.

My Grandmother is on my ass because I had DD baptised Catholic and I am not pursuing any religious instruction for her--the woman is 94 years old and does not understand that I no longer agree with the doctrine and will not force my DD into something that I cannot agree with. UGH--it sucks--and the guilt I get thrown at me as the oldest grandchild is worse--Catholic guilt is right up there with Jewisih guilt sometimes.

So that is what has been going on for the last week. I'm not setting any resolutions for this year--but I would like to add to my weight loss number--and DEFINATELY not add any gain. I hope that your 2010 is going well and that this is a great year for us all.