Wednesday, July 15, 2009

My heart hurts......

So, DD went to a friend's birthday party last night. The mom gave us a report on how the night went and she told me that Miki said at one point: "My parents don't love me"....My heart stopped the minute I heard that.

I don't know what was going on at the time she said it or the context--it was if she just kind of said it in passing.

This child is loved more than the air I breathe. We are always saying I love you, or hugging or snuggling with her. We are hands on parents and get involved with her life, do things with her. As an only child, I am worried that we incorporate her too much into our lives--so that she doesn't have a feeling of independence.

I am broken hearted that she would say this. We have very few problems with her, but when we do have a "tiff" she has thrown out the "you hate me!" line. I say to her "I ALWAYS love YOU, it's your behaviour I do not like right now". She has never been given a reason to think otherwise.

Things have been hard lately, so maybe this is her way of processing and dealing with it. Money is tighter than tight--where as before we threw it around on anything we wanted/she wanted. That cannot happen anymore and maybe this is just her way of dealing with that? But I never wanted my kid to associate "things" with love--we never worked that way. We still have "treats" now and then, but it's a surprise trip to the park and an ice cream cone versus a new game for her DS--she's not being deprived by any means.

The mother who told me this is a PhD in Psychology, she thinks from her other behaviours (well mannered, polite, kind) that this could just be a phase and she's testing her boundaries--but she has said to keep an eye out for other signs of depression. So of course this sends me over the edge.

I just don't know what to do..........

1 comment:

Kelley said...

First of all, ((hugs)). I have heard the same thing come out of Kai's mouth- 'You hate me!' It kills you when they say it. Know that it's not that you've done anything wrong as a parent. I really do think that a lot of times, kids react to stressful situations in peculiar ways, which we don't always understand. It sounds like you're doing everything you should with DD. Keep on doling out the hugs and kisses and 'I love yous' and be sure to let her know that she can come and talk to you about anything that's bothering her. Always keep the lines of communication open, and keep reminding her that you're there for her.

Also be forewarned! They're getting close to that hormonal age, our kids are. Puberty is just around the corner! I'll send you gin if you send me tequila!!